At the beginning of 2025, I had a lot of big big things I wanted to accomplish. I was attending a small community college in Pensacola, Florida and was preparing to transfer over to Florida State University in Tallahassee. Of course, God pulled me from that path and put me on another last October when I had the opportunity to visit Guatemala on a mission trip which wrecked all of my plans, NOT because I couldn't, but because His love captivated me and I caught a glimpse of what is eternal, the thing that would never pass away.

After returning from Guatemala, my world was spinning. Everything I had built and planned looked counterfeit and fake, none of it would get me to where I truly needed to go. After praying and meditating and listening out for God's voice, He gave me clarity that World Race was the move, and so I committed. Over the next few months or so, the high of the mission trip I went on started to wear off, things begin to get stagnant again. This really frightened me; I didn't want to lose the vision and clarity that I had received.

One particular day, I was feeling quite lost. I started to doubt if missions was really for me, if it was just emotions talking. A short phrase popped into my mind as I was driving home from work, "Father, grieve me for what grieves you." I did not say this prayer willy nilly, I really focused in on what I was actually saying, what I was actually praying. I weighed out the "Consequences" of what praying this prayer would be, it would hurt, it would be painful, pruning doesn't feel good after all.

the very next day, that same perspective on the world was restored. I went to work (A very secular workplace) and saw how endlessly and tirelessly I, my bosses, and coworkers strived just to make a check, and I saw the frailty of it all. We are all putting in 11+ hours a day for what? Nothing we had would remain in the end, and we are selling our lives just to lose it all eventually. Now I'm not at all saying making money is bad, but if your faith isn't in Christ and it's instead in money, then it's already game over.

It wasn't just at work though; it was in every aspect of everything I did. I went to go play some video games and there was no desire, I went to go play sports and there was no drive, I went to work and there was no passion. I started to regret saying that prayer because I begin to realize that this is what grieves the Father, people put their worth and faith in things of the world and not in Him, and it's not that He is sad the He isn't getting attention, it's where everyone is headed on that path and it's because he loves them so.

And so, through these past couple months I am learning that nothing fulfills except for Him. I am learning to be hungry for the things of Heaven, for what is everlasting. I am learning to let Him prune things in my life that I am sub-consciously feeding myself with. I am learning that striving to do more and to be more will not produce more. A plant does not produce fruit by trying, it seeks sunlight and water, the fruit is a by-product. Likewise, I am learning to seek the light of the Father's face and the water that is the Word of God so that I can produce the fruit of the Spirit.